365 days!

This precious little girl turned 1 today! I am feeling very emotional about it. Excited that we made it through a tough 12 months, sad that my bubba is not a tiny bubba anymore, and a little teary at the thought that this my be my last little one (although the hubby has decided he is open to discussing maybe 1 more in a couple of years time). I survived having 2 kids under 2 years and am still relatively in one piece, hurray!

Our precious Elora was a special surprise right from the start. It took us 2 years to fall pregnant with Bethany and we weren't sure if it would ever happen again, so you can imagine our total surprise when I found myself pregnant again when Bethany was only 6 months old. When I rang Brett to tell him I had a positive test he didn't actually believe me at first. Then Elora's birth came as a total surprise as well. My other 2 children were both overdue and so I expected the same again, but at 36 weeks my water broke and caught everyone completely off guard. I hadn't packed a hospital bag yet, and when we left for the hospital I found I actually had nothing to pack because the pyjamas I had been wearing when my waters broke were of course saturated, I hadn't bought a new pair for hospital yet, the washing was behind, I hadn't even bought nappies yet or maternity pads, like I said I was taken by surprise! My mother was lined up to watch the other kids when labour happened, but she was 2 hours away in Lithgow and had her phone turned off because it all happened in the middle of the night.

Then when we got to the hospital after roping in Brett's parents to babysit they tried to feel the position of the baby, then came back with an ultrasound machine and discovered our bubba was sideways and so I would have to have a cesarian. Not what we planned at all. I was hoping to be in and out of hospital as quick as possible because I had never left Bethany before and she was only 14 months old, but surgery meant a few days in hospital and a long recovery (including an infected wound) that made it very hard to pick up and look after an active toddler. Elora was in the NICU for a couple of days and that was very hard. I just wanted to hold my bubba and have her with me and it was several hours after her birth before I even got to hold her, thankfully Brett was with her the whole time.

When I finally took Elora home the hard days started. I cried every day, more than once, for months. Not because I didn't want her or didn't love her, I happen to adore my baby girl, but I just felt totally overwhelmed! I was determined to breastfeed her because I hadn't been able to do it with the other 2, but she was losing weight because I just don't produce enough milk, so I was put on medication and it helped me make milk but it totally messed with my hormones.We realised 4 months later when at the point of breakdown I stopped breastfeeding so that I could take anti-depressants that once I stopped taking the tablets the clouds lifted in my head and I found some of the old me again, so I never ended up needing to take the anti depressants. But things were still hard. Having 2 young kids so close together, plus an older one with special needs who takes up a lot of my energy as well, meant that many days I was exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed and it was just too hard to even cook dinner.

But thankfully, through it all, I have grown and changed. I have learnt to be a lot more flexible and to not be so hard on myself, I have learnt to ask for help, let myself be vulnerable and not sweat the small stuff. I have learnt that my house will never be perfectly tidy again. I have learnt to just chill and have a lot more fun with my kids, and I have learnt that I don't just love my kids, I love motherhood, a place I never quite expected to arrive at! I love that as my girls grow older they are playing together and becoming friends, I especially love hearing them giggle together. I love my busy, messy, noisy house full of chaos, and as much as there are days when I think I could go nuts, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else or have things any other way. The past 365 days have been some of the hardest of my life, but also the most incredible and rewarding. I am a very blessed mumma and am so thankful for all 3 of my treasures and I am looking forward to celebrating my baby girl with a party this weekend!!!

Raising our voices!!

I have been on my 'soap box' a lot on my facebook page lately about fair trade Easter eggs and have had various reactions. Some people ignore me, some have been inspired to make changes in their shopping and some think it all sounds good but aren't ready to make changes that may make things a bit more difficult for them. So why do I care so much? I care because it's not ok with me to indulge myself and my children with something that someone else's child was enslaved and treated badly to make. The flollowing is from World Vison's facebook page:

"Did you know that 10 years ago an agreement (called the Harkin-Engel Protocol) was signed between big chocolate companies, the United States and the Ivory Coast to eliminate the worst forms of child labour from their cocoa supply chain? And yet our new report, released today, shows that child labour and, more disturbingly, the worst forms of child and trafficked labour are still rife in cocoa production today.

Child and trafficked labour in cocoa farms:
Criminal networks have been caught trafficking children across regions and international borders to work on cocoa farms in West Africa. Many more children regularly work on family farms to supplement their low and often unfair income. These children carry heavy loads, work with fire, chemicals and knives, with little or no protection. They receive little or no pay. Often they have no hope of going to school.
Some media reports have claimed that in the worst cases, children as young as six are being forced to work 80-100 hours per week, enduring beatings and malnutrition on top of back-breaking work.

So the agreement has failed, but why? And what’s next?  It’s great that some chocolate companies have committed to using ethically certified cocoa. This means that you can buy their chocolate confident that you are not supporting forced, trafficked or child labour. However, the percentage of cocoa that is ethically certified is still only 1-3 percent globally. And looking forward, even with good growth in ethical cocoa, it’s likely that 60-75 percent will still be uncertified in 2018. Because of this, we can’t rely on ethical certification alone to solve the problem, more needs to be done.
The report recommends that cocoa companies pay a small levy of 2 cents in every $10 of chocolate sales, Tim Costello  explains how the money would be used:

“The money raised from the levy is needed to combat child and trafficked labour and train cocoa farmers in sustainable practices” ."

Yep that's right, kids trafficked, beaten, forced to work so that I can eat chocolate, and chocolate companies know this, but the almighty dollar means more than these precious lives and that breaks my heart. As you can see from the article there are ethical producers which is why my family is having a Fair Trade Easter, but more needs to be done. Change can only happen however when people know and people care! It's not good enough just to know about something and think it's sad, to see change we have to act, we have to BE THE CHANGE!!! It starts with you and me!

I have been reading 'Lioness Arising' by Lisa Bevere and the following quote sums up exactly what I am trying to say. "When you are awakened you can't help but respond. Don't confuse being awakened with being upset. If something upsets you, you may react in that moment... you can be upset and not awake. But you can't be fully awake, and therefore alertly aware of the problems in the world, and not respond." I am upset about many things, but more than that I am awake, awake to injustice in the world, awake to God's heart for the poor, the needy, the oppressed, the widows, the orphans (and if you don't think God cares about these things then you are not reading the same Bible I am!) and because I am awake I cannot help but respond. Sadly not everyone is awake and I feel that part of the role God has given me in being a voice to the voiceless is to awaken people. I can share my heart, share information, I can pray, host events, but in the end it is up to each person whether they want to really wake up or not because waking up requires change and some people just like being comfortable.

As for me, all the children of this world, all the people of this world, matter to me, because they are all precious to the God who created them and so I raise my voice whether it offends people or not, because to be silent would grieve the heart of the God who gave His all for me. And just this past week I was encouraged that using my voice can bring change, because some people are listening. Here is an article that was in my local paper:

You'll have to click on the photo to be able to read the article cause I coudn't figure out how to make it bigger. They mention in the article a speech made by my local member in Federal Parliament, here it is :

Again you'll have to click on it to read it. It really excites me not just that my name was mentioned in Parliament, but that we had enough impact on a politician that he used his speech time in Parliament to bring attention to child and maternal health!!

My point here is not to toot my own horn but to say that we all have a voice, we just have to use it. I am no-one special. I am a stay at home mum who never finished uni. I have no qualifications, no fancy title or career, just a heart and a passion for the poor and oppressed and God has used me to bring awareness on social justice issues and that just amazes and inspires me and I hope it inspires others too, to use their voice against injustice!!!! I need you to use your voice, because a chorus of voices is too loud to ignore and there is much injustice to shout about!

Let me leave you with more words from Lisa Bevere:

"May none of us be content with the safety of our children alone but instead grow in the understanding and awareness that all the children of this earth are our charge. May we be careful to move all children out of harm's way. May none of us imagine that local influence does not have the potential for far-reaching impact. Let none of us believe that our role is in-consequential. And let none of us imagine that we can conquer the world single handedly."

'Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people's trust in the message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against: defeat for them, vistory for you- and both because of God.' Phil 1:27-28 (MSG)

The love of my life!!

I want to tell you about the love of my life! It's not my husband, although I love him very much, there is someone I love more. It's my Jesus. He thought I was worth dying for. When I started to grasp His love for me a few years ago it CHANGED EVERYTHING!!!!!!

I have felt unwanted most of my life, an illegitimate child, considered a 'mistake' by some, there was even an attempt to end my life before it had a chance to truly begin (not by my mother, it's a long story that I wont share here!), but God created me for a purpose, and that purpose was just to be loved by Him. I have always been loved by my Creator. As a teen and young adult I turned to alcohol to make me feel better, getting drunk was a way of life, to feel more confident and hide the aching inadequacy inside, but it didn't help and it led to some very poor decisions! I tried comfort in men, that left me feeling even more empty, so empty I tried to end it all on more than one occaison but it didn't work, because God hadn't given up on me and wasn't letting me give up on myself. My life is valuable to Him, I am precious!!

Others have called me 'useless', 'ugly', 'stupid', I aimed for perfection in any area I could to prove them wrong and feel more valuable, but there will always be someone better, so the strive for perfection is pointless and exhausting, there was only one perfect person and He willingly gave His life so that I could know the infinite love of His Father, just as I am, totally flawed, no perfection needed!

I have known about Jesus my whole life and definately thought that I knew Him, but it wasn't until I got to the end of myself and came to Him truly on my knees, a broken single mother with absolutely nothing to offer Him but my shame, my guilt, my pain, that I discovered who He truly is. There was no judgement, no big stick to beat the sinner with, JUST LOVE, and plenty of it, love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, not just tokenistic words, living things that he gave me, not because I was good enough, but just because I was His. He says I am beautiful, He says I am enough, He says I have a purpose. His love gives me wings to fly and also solid rock to stand on when the world is uncertain. He holds my hand when I cry and lets me know it will be ok, He brings me joy even in the dark valleys, because I know deep down in the depths of my being that I am LOVED PASSIONATELY and absolutely nothing in this world will ever compare to that, I know because I looked for it and came back empty.

And that love makes me pasisonate about others who Jesus loves too. Every person on this planet is precious to Him. That's why I can't just sit back and let injustice go unchallenged. Not because I think I am superwoman out to save the world, not because of guilt, not because I feel I should in order to be a 'good Christian', but because I just can't help myself. I want my heart to be in tune with God's heart and so I hear the cies of injustice and cannot sit still. How could I keep that amazing love of Jesus to myself, it is meant to be shared, others need to know that they too are beautiful and important, that they are loved and not fogotten, and so I will continue to speak out against injustice, not because I am perfect or holy, not because I want people to feel bad, but because I cannot ignore my brothers and sisters who were also created in the beautiful image of God, that may make people uncomfortable and may offend some, but the heart of God would not see me ignore those who matter to Him. And so I love, only because He first loved me, and He is pure love!!

Happy Good Friday everyone :-)

celebrations!

April is a crazy birthday month amongst my family and friends and this past week has been a very busy one full of lots of cake! I think Bethany thought it was the best week ever. On Monday it was the birthday of one of my dearest friends so we popped round and surprised her with a birthday cake and some balloons. Then  Thursday was my aunty, Friday was my mother and Saturday was me. Most of the time we have always ended up doing joint things but not this year which was a bit weird but actually really nice to have something that was just mine. I didn't actually get to see my aunty this year, just spoke to her and posted her a card, everyone is just too busy! But for mum's birthday I decided a couple of days beforehand to give her a small party and gathered up a couple of her close friends plus my sister, cousin and I (and quite a lot of kids between us too) for lunch at my place. Again there were balloons and cake so Bethy was most impressed and I tried making a new dessert for the first time because my mum loves banoffie pie and it was DELICIOUS!!! My sister has asked for one for her birthday :-)

Then we had a busy weekend. Friday night a friend took me out for dinner because she couldn't come to my party, so I fed everyone else tuna pasta bake then I went out for steak, felt a bit mean but I knew they were getting to go out the next night. Sat was my birthday and I had 50 people join us at the Outback Steakhouse for dinner which was really lovely. I made myself a pretty sunflower cake and my mum surprised me by having some helium balloons set up when I got there. I turned 36 which is a bit of an odd age for a party but I really wanted to have a big celebration for 35 last year and ended up not doing what I planned because I was just too pregnant to be bothered, so I decided to have a party this year instead!

 This is me and my little sis.

 We had 3 tables full of people there to celebrate me, I felt very loved :-)

 Sparklers!

Then Sunday was another busy day. We went to church in the morning, then went to a first birthday party in the afternoon, then we had a farewell party for the pastor of my old church at night, where there was yet again cake. The kids didn't get to bed till 9pm and after 2 late nights in a row they were a bit grumpy today, but they certainly enjoyed all the festivities, especially my little Bethy who thoroughly enjoyed the fairy 1st birthday party.

There is still more partying to come in April. My dad's birthday is this Friday and we are getting togther for that, then Elora's birthday is next Tuesday and she is having a party on the Saturday. So more balloons, more cake and more celebrations to come, Bethy will be pleased! :-)

Politicians, spaceships and trampolines...the end of term 1.

We had a very busy week for the last week of term 1. One of the things we did was to visit the office of our local Federal member, David Bradbury, to hand over the banner about child and maternal health that was created at 'Survive Past Five' back in February and added to over the past few weeks with the handprints of people who couldn't get there on the day. We are apparently going to be in the local paper this week, I might be famous LOL.

In schoolwork Jaden had quite a lot to try and get finished. One of the drawbacks of doing distance ed is that we have deadlines to hand things in, online tests to do by certain dates etc and both Jaden and I have found it a bit overwhelming in that regard. I am looking forward to getting everything organised to register for home schooling and being able to be a lot more flexible and realistic about what Jaden can actually get done in a week. This is part of his science project. It's a model of a tourist spaceship. He had to do a detailed plan for it, build the model, make a brochure and an advertising poster.

The bottle caps are seats, the milk bottles at the back are the rockets, all the boxes are different rooms and have cute little doorways.

This is the elaborate entranceway.

This is the advertising poster.

And as an added extra Jaden decided he needed a space suit, it wasn't part of the project he just wanted to play in it. Not sure many other almost 12 year olds would play in the front yard wearing a nappy box but one of the things I love about Jaden's total lack of social understanding is that he doesn't care what other people think, I could use some of that myself!!!!

We also joined some other home schoolers for an excursion last week to Don Bosco youth centre. I only have action shots of Jaden cause he very much enjoyed the trampolines!

Bethy had fun too and was actually really good at waiting her turn which impressed me!! That afternoon we had some lovely friends come and visit so it was very much a social day and one we all enjoyed!! :-)

And so ends term 1. Yay for holidays and a fresh start in term 2 :-)

Family fun and random pics :-)

Brett had time off when I went to Colour conference a couple of weeks ago. He had the Thursday off even though the conference didn't start till the night, because I had to leave before he would've gotten home from work, so he took some leave and we enjoyed a lovely family day. We went to Featherdale Wildlife Park. It was the first time the girls had been there. We got to pat koalas...

and kangaroos.

Elora wasn't quite sure what to think of the animals. (I have no idea who the little boy is)

And Elora wasn't impressed when this goat got a bit up close and personal, I think it wanted to eat her hat!

We've also had some other family fun lately. Last weekend Brett's parents took us out to a fancy chinese restaurant for dinner because they will be away in Qld for my birthday this weekend. We had dessert and Bethany decided that Elora should get to try some too, it was soo cute so I snapped a quick pic on my phone. I've also just uploaded some other recent pics from my phone to the computer so here are some more random happenings from the past couple of weeks.

Bethany has decided that she is a princess, here she is all dressed up for a friend's birthday party last weekend, complete with tiara.

and here is princess Bethy at our playgroup :-)

My girls in a double trolley seat, they love this (although they just look stunned in the photo LOL), they seem to think it's like a carnival ride they can share :-)

We had some lovely weather on the weekend so I pulled out the paints for the older 2 while Elora was asleep and they had a lovely time. They ended up doing 3 paintings each.

The first of the artworks. Bethy actually had a pattern to the swirls she was doing and kept changing colours but not mixing them, far more precision than I expected from someone who only just turned 2!

And here are my 3 treasures after a busy day out and about. We are hoping to get a bigger car this year so that Jaden is not squished between 2 carseats, especially as his long legs just keep growing!!!!

Sisters and friends :-)

On Sunday afternoon my 2 little girlies became room mates. They were so excited when we showed them that their beds were in the same room. Bethy was jumping up and down in her cot like a crazy person and Elora thought it was all just hilarious. I had been putting it off for ages because I assumed it would mean a few sleepless nights while they adjusted, but eventually the desire to have our bedroom back to ourselves won out so we bit the bullet and did it.

Bethany decided she wanted to have a visit in Elora's cot so they had some cuddles. The first night didn't go all that great because Elora went to bed before Bethany did and when we put Bethy in there she kept yelling out 'bubba wake up' so of course Elora woke up and this went on for quite a while. They did eventually fall asleep and even though both had a fairly restless night where mumma was up and down all night they actually tag teamed it and didn;t seem to wake each other up, just me! Then during the day yesterday we successfully did 2 naptimes. The first one Bethy went to bed and then I put Elora in once Bethy was asleep which worked. Then I decided in the afternoon to put them in at the same time and of course there was chatter and giggling but they eventually both went to sleep. Bethy doesn't normally have 2 day sleeps anymore but she was just so worn out from the restless night before.

Then last night we put them to bed at the same, I had to go in once to lay them back down and put dummies back in and remind them it was sleep time, and it worked, within half an hour from putting them to bed they were both fast asleep. Elora stirred once about 10pm and just needed her dummy and Bethy didn't stir at all, amazing!!! Elora woke up at 5am and Bethy was still asleep so I just put Elora in bed with me for snuggles for about an hour till Bethy woke up. The whole process was nowhere near as hard as I thought it was going to be. The next step will be converting Bethy's cot into the toddler bed which we hadn't done yet because we wanted the girls used to sharing before Bethany gets unleashed in the bedroom and will be able to get to and harrass her sister!

I see many years ahead of girl giggles, talking, and lots of special sister fun between these girls. They already love playing together (most of the time, sometimes a 2 year old just need some baby free space!). They were on the trampoline together yesterday and Bethy was bouncing Elora to make her laugh, I only have action shots cause Bethy wouldn't stay still. Then when Elora had a turn on the swing Bethy wanted to push her, it was very sweet.

There are 8 years between me and my little sister so things weren't quite the same as they are with these 2 but I love her to bits and we are very close now, not just sisters but friends. I had prayed for a little sister and was so happy when she arrived, until she turned 2 and started wrecking my stuff, then I wanted a refund!!! Then later when she was a teenager I found her to be rather a pain to live with, but I'm pretty sure that's normal for all teenagers LOL. Once she got to about 15 we started becoming really close. She was there so much to help when Jaden was little and over the past 10-12 years has become someone I can talk to about anything, we laugh with each other, cry with each other, make fun of each other and seem to understand each other's eccentricness (is that a word??), so very glad I have my little sis and am so glad my beautiful girls have each other to grow up with too!!! :-)

This is part of a scrapbook page I did a few years ago tiltled 'Sisters are flowers grown in the same garden', it didn't all quite fit in the scanner, but you get the idea :-)