The love of my life!!

I want to tell you about the love of my life! It's not my husband, although I love him very much, there is someone I love more. It's my Jesus. He thought I was worth dying for. When I started to grasp His love for me a few years ago it CHANGED EVERYTHING!!!!!!

I have felt unwanted most of my life, an illegitimate child, considered a 'mistake' by some, there was even an attempt to end my life before it had a chance to truly begin (not by my mother, it's a long story that I wont share here!), but God created me for a purpose, and that purpose was just to be loved by Him. I have always been loved by my Creator. As a teen and young adult I turned to alcohol to make me feel better, getting drunk was a way of life, to feel more confident and hide the aching inadequacy inside, but it didn't help and it led to some very poor decisions! I tried comfort in men, that left me feeling even more empty, so empty I tried to end it all on more than one occaison but it didn't work, because God hadn't given up on me and wasn't letting me give up on myself. My life is valuable to Him, I am precious!!

Others have called me 'useless', 'ugly', 'stupid', I aimed for perfection in any area I could to prove them wrong and feel more valuable, but there will always be someone better, so the strive for perfection is pointless and exhausting, there was only one perfect person and He willingly gave His life so that I could know the infinite love of His Father, just as I am, totally flawed, no perfection needed!

I have known about Jesus my whole life and definately thought that I knew Him, but it wasn't until I got to the end of myself and came to Him truly on my knees, a broken single mother with absolutely nothing to offer Him but my shame, my guilt, my pain, that I discovered who He truly is. There was no judgement, no big stick to beat the sinner with, JUST LOVE, and plenty of it, love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, not just tokenistic words, living things that he gave me, not because I was good enough, but just because I was His. He says I am beautiful, He says I am enough, He says I have a purpose. His love gives me wings to fly and also solid rock to stand on when the world is uncertain. He holds my hand when I cry and lets me know it will be ok, He brings me joy even in the dark valleys, because I know deep down in the depths of my being that I am LOVED PASSIONATELY and absolutely nothing in this world will ever compare to that, I know because I looked for it and came back empty.

And that love makes me pasisonate about others who Jesus loves too. Every person on this planet is precious to Him. That's why I can't just sit back and let injustice go unchallenged. Not because I think I am superwoman out to save the world, not because of guilt, not because I feel I should in order to be a 'good Christian', but because I just can't help myself. I want my heart to be in tune with God's heart and so I hear the cies of injustice and cannot sit still. How could I keep that amazing love of Jesus to myself, it is meant to be shared, others need to know that they too are beautiful and important, that they are loved and not fogotten, and so I will continue to speak out against injustice, not because I am perfect or holy, not because I want people to feel bad, but because I cannot ignore my brothers and sisters who were also created in the beautiful image of God, that may make people uncomfortable and may offend some, but the heart of God would not see me ignore those who matter to Him. And so I love, only because He first loved me, and He is pure love!!

Happy Good Friday everyone :-)